I was told there were going to be around thirty women at this next party. That number intimidated me a bit. The most I had previously stripped for was around fifteen. I was asked by the bridesmaid ahead of time to keep it on the “tame” side and to keep clear of the bride’s mother. I told her that most of the time these parties are just silly fun and not to worry. I was feeling like a professional.
The obvious fear in stripping is that the audience won’t find you attractive; when you walk into the room you’ll see looks of disappointment that you’re not Channing Tatum. I walked into this room and my jaw dropped. It was filled with absolutely stunning women between the ages of twenty and thirty. First I was intimidated by the number, now it was by the looks of them. But these girls had smiles on their faces and I could tell they were excited to see me take my clothes off.
The bride was a very pretty blond girl around twenty-five. She was sitting in the corner on this throne like chair. There was a Hawaiian theme and she was wearing a leafy sort of crown and a coconut bra. My song playlist started with Jamiroquai’s “Canned Heat”, which some may remember from the movie Napoleon Dynamite. I didn’t quite have the same moves that won Pedro the presidential election, but I was busting out some decent hip swings and pelvic thrusts.
I’m not really one for having a rehearsed dance routine. As a musician, I’ve always loved playing drums in jazz groups where improvisation is king. Whatever you can do in the spur of the moment is where your merits are recognized. I treat dancing the same way. The room is always different, the people are always different, and each show should be catered to the individual situation. That being said, I certainly do have a few go to moves I bust out from time to time.
The throne the bride was on was going to be a bit of a problem. It was raised up and didn’t seem altogether too stable. After removing my jacket, tie and shirt, I was sitting on her lap facing away from her with my pants pulled down just enough so she could see my underwear. She hastily stuffed all of her money into my G-string before I even had my pants down. She was anxious but in a great mood, and had appeared to be completely surprised by my arrival.
After my pants came off I worked my way to some of the other guests. I found myself in front of one of the most attractive girls I have ever seen. She was blond, had big blue eyes and a great smile. In the normal world, I would barely have the confidence to look at her let alone approach her. But as the exotic entertainment it was my job to be the sexiest, most confident person in the room, which meant climbing onto the couch she was sitting on and thrusting my junk in her face.
As I made my way around the very full living room one of the girls tipped me and asked me to do something special for the bride. I’d have to get her off of that throne. There was a spare chair which I placed in the middle of the room. I brought the bride over to it. I sat on her lap facing away and leaned forward until my hands were on the ground. With my crotch meeting hers and my legs wrapped around her and the chair I began to gyrate. Her friends cheered.
During a previous gig I had received a request to do some push ups, so I had become accustomed to doing a few when “Sexy and I Know It” came on. Of course one can’t escape the LMFAO wiggles in which you thrash your package around in double time.
Everything went spectacularly. As I dressed myself, a dark haired girl who couldn’t have been older than twenty-one asked me several questions about my life as a stripper. How long had I been doing this? How often do I perform? She had a look of awe and wonder on her face. The bride asked if it was terrifying, to which I responded that it was.
When I was first thinking about stripping I stupidly mentioned the idea to my mom. Of course she was appalled to think of her little boy getting naked for money. She told me that women laugh at male strippers and that they’re a big desperate joke. Her words shook me up and kept me out of it for a long time, until the day that desire could no longer be contained.
These girls did not think I was a joke. The bride thanked me for making her party extra awesome, and even as I left a few of the guests walked me out with big smiles on their faces. I actually felt like a star.