My irrational celebrity crushes
more articles by Kate
I have my very first celebrity crush since I was approximately 13. At 13, of course, I was bursting with all kinds of new hormones, dealing with the lack of intelligent dudes around me, and listening to a crapload of music. Thus began the infatuations with pop stars. By pop stars, I mean indie pop stars, and by that I actually mean late-90s alternative rock bands. From Canada. Bonus points if they were from Halifax, Nova Scotia - a place I'd never been, but desperately needed to go.
Anyhow. Top of the list? Patrick Pentland. There is no weirder thing than now following him on twitter and reading his posts about day-to-day life. I'm sure the 13 year old in me is crying, the reality of life shattering my perfect image of him.
I'm certain I still have the issue of Chart with this on the cover. The subscription I had ended up sending me a Chris, and I was all "fuck that shit" and spent my allowance money on the Patrick version. I'd already seen Sloan play live at what was then the Walker Theatre in Winnipeg, Manitoba - touring for Navy Blues. I admit, I got on the Sloan bandwagon late, but can you blame me? I was 13. The only other bands I'd really seen were little local bands and The Tea Party/Econoline Crush. YEAH.
Anyway. Patrick somehow caught my eye. Perhaps it was the slight antisocial type attitude. Perhaps it was the ever-changing hair. Perhaps just that he wrote such lovely songs. Either way, my terribly young self dedicated itself to photos of the man.
One of the next Sloan shows I went to, I found myself front and centre. During the night's rendition of Money City Maniacs, Chris Murphy came down into the crowd to hand someone a camcorder (it was a pretty tiny one for its day, kids) to film something for some friend of theirs. That lucky 16 year old? Me. TOTALLY. Of all the people in the front row, I get to hold the camera. Why was this a bad idea? I'm pretty sure that whole video was just me yelling out of tune while focusing on Patrick.
I am sorry for the shitty video. I was playing favourites.
As time went on, I grew up and out of this crush - mostly. I soon had to reconcile myself with the idea that this was clearly never going to happen. I've always been a realistic person, even when it comes to crushes. This is why I haven't had many.
Simultaneously to the Pentland crush, I developed a crush on one of treble charger's lead men, Greig Nori.
This crush was easy to grow out of. He was all cute and alternative in '97, and then suddenly something changed. I saw the band at Edgefest '99, at the tender age of 14. I met the band, got them to sign some stuff, and expected to be a lot more "over the moon".. But they all had wrinkles. And were kinda.. I dunno. Trying too hard? Yeah, coming from a 14 year old.
Look at him now:
Sure dodged that crush-bullet.
I guess I had a few real-world crushes, including this guy from my highschool years:
Who I quickly realized was not for me and moved on.
I've since experienced a crush-drought. Largely because I had no time for crushes based on my hooking up with REAL dudes (not just lusting over photos) and keeping a pretty solid rotation (I didn't need date insurance - I'm so novel). Then came that dude that I'd had a quasi-crush on when I was 12 and watching Breaker High.
No hard, chiseled young male bodies for me. No no, scrawny and gel-swathed is how I dug my close-in-age fellas. I even remember thinking the male (non-mummified) character from Mummies Alive! would be drop dead gorgeous if he were a real dude.
But back to the point. Is there a point?
Anyhow. I've always kind of gone for the guy who doesn't necessarily always win. The Mummies Alive! kid was kinda wussy and needed a posse of thousands-of-years-old mummies to protect him from the shit he got in because of that thing around his neck or something, and Sean (Ryan Gosling) was the wannabe ladies man that actually had a heart of gold. He used the ladies man thing as a coverup for all his cuddleneeds.
This right here? Made my universe. The quirky girl with the weirdness and the strangeness and interest in the world rather than things and inanities catches the eye of Sean, something happens, he realizes he loves her, and then I basically rewrite the story from there to imply that they basically hang out every single day being an awesome couple drinking lemonade on the top deck of the ship until they get skin cancer and die together in an intensely emotional handholding session. Because they deserve to be happy.
Yeah, this gave 12 and 13-year-old me hope. That someday, someone would be like "oh gee!" about me while I was all "oh gee!" about them. Yaaaay!
That was to distract you and to imply the passage of time.
I'm now 26 years old, and guess who has come traipsing back into my life? None other than Sean from Breaker High, who I learn is actually named Ryan Gosling. I do not fancy myself some kind of Ryan Gosling aficionado as many do because *I* saw him on a nationally televised teen drama series when I was of the ripe age. It does make me feel nostalgic when I see him, though.. And then it makes me feel like I'm still sitting around waiting to be someone's Tamara. Wait a minute, I see what's going on here..
I've seen many of Gosling's movies now, which is amazing considering I'm hardly a movie person. I like movies with a little depth (though I've seen The Notebook), and generally his movies deliver on that. A lot. We're talking about someone who's seen about 4-6 movies a year since I was 16. Almost 80% of the movies I see per year now star Ryan Gosling. How insane is that? It's unconscious! I see that he's in something and I'm like "Oh, there's a new movie out!" Not even just a Ryan Gosling movie. A movie. I don't notice other movies.
This could be because I'm stupidly busy, and never usually find myself in mall areas wherever I go - for work or play. The cinemas near our apartment tend to play art house type stuff, except the Towne, which just has bedbugs. Could also be that I work a full time job, run a website full time, have a life, travel all the time, and spend the rest of the time just lying around in the sun or keeping fit (enough). I just don't watch movies.
BUT I CAN'T STOP WATCHING HIS.
This is my irrational crush. I didn't realize it was sneaking up on me until it was too late. Too far gone now. But I guess it's kind of nice. Like a warm blanket I can wrap myself up in. A "hey girl, let's just watch a movie tonight and enjoy each other's bodies" kind of blanket. I can handle that.
Thank you, Ryan Gosling.
You're also Canadian, so you keep my irrational crushlist within CRTC guidelines. Way to make it even easier to oogle you. And write giant digressions around the concept of you.
When did this turn into an open letter? Christ.